Eric Beetner: The World's Shortest Zombie Story

Monday, July 9, 2012

The World's Shortest Zombie Story

Not one to be left on the sidelines of the zombie fiction revolution, I have written the world's shortest zombie story. It is called:

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST ZOMBIE STORY

by Eric Beetner

Used coffin for sale.

The End.

2 comments:

Unknown said...: Ha Ha Ha - awesome.; July 9, 2012 at 9:39 PM
Ben said...: hehehe, not expected!; July 10, 2012 at 7:18 AM

Goodreads

Eric Beetner's books on Goodreads

PULP INK

reviews: 15
ratings: 33 (avg rating 4.58)

dig two graves

reviews: 6
ratings: 13 (avg rating 4.69)

Borrowed Trouble

reviews: 1
ratings: 9 (avg rating 4.78)

The Devil Doesn't Want Me

reviews: 1
ratings: 3 (avg rating 4.67)

A Mouth Full Of Blood

Praise for Dig Two Graves

Chosen as a favorite read of 2011 three times now!

"Dig Two Graves is the product of a diseased mind, and I mean that in the very best way. If you like stories about revenge and criminals fucking up their own shit, this one's for you."

Scott Phillips, author of The Ice Harvest and The Adjustment

"Dig Two Graves is everything you want a blackly comic revenge tale to be: fierce, fast, funny, and deliciously foregone. You'll know on page one that this story isn't going to go well for anybody involved, but read that page and see if you can look away. I couldn't. It's all in the voice, and Eric Beetner's got a live one. I look forward to hearing more of it."

Sean Doolittle, author of The Cleanup and Safer

"It’s dark, funny, fast, and gleefully, wonderfully wrong entertainment. Beetner handles tension like a veteran and the action and suspense sequences are a fucking hoot, but what really sets this novella apart is Val’s voice. The Nerd advises you to pick this shit up toot-fucking-sweet."

The Nerd of Noir, Spinetingler Mag

"Beetner’s novella is so crisp and expertly put together, you can’t help but go along for the ride. Razor sharp writing." A best of 2011 selection

Nick Quantrill, author of Broken Dreams

“I can't find any reasons not to read DIG TWO GRAVES. It's told in a booming, fearless voice. Eric Beetner has just gained a new fan. Four Stars.”

Dead End Follies

"It's a wild ride, filled with humor, emotion and bad choices. Four stars."

Criminal Thoughts, R. Thomas Brown

“Author Eric Beetner ratchets the tension to levels that are virtually palpable, but also knows just when to give both Val and the reader a little break, doing so with perfectly placed doses of sarcasm and pitch-black humor. Indeed, as brought to life by the skilled hand of Beetner, Val ends up being an incredibly engaging and surprisingly sympathetic figure considering he’s basically a cheating husband, ex-con, current fugitive, and increasingly irrational man bent on violent revenge. And while revenge may be a dish best served cold, Dig Two Graves is smoking hot.”

All-Purpose Monkey blog

“It's hard not to like the main character, Val. Plenty of wrong choices abound in this novella... making it perfectly entertaining.”

My Friends Call Me Kate blog

Praise for Borrowed Trouble

"Set in 1941, authors Kohl and Beetner do a masterful job bringing that era to life. From the clothes to the cars to the lingo, the story virtually leaps of the page with vivid details. And this being a noir tale, some of those details are quite dark and disturbing."

Elizabeth White's Book Reviews

"a pulpy throwback to film noir and the classic origins of the American hardboiled detective."

Barnes & Nobel's Ransom Notes Book Club

"Meticulous historical detail slams you into the hard boiled world of Ray Ward and Dean Fokoli as they use hard fists and cold steel to knock the shiny off Hollywood's glitter. Borrowed Trouble is like a talented fighter – powerful, quick, and hard to put down."

Rebecca Cantrell, award-winning author of A Night of Long Knives

"For a knockout punch of hardboiled, look no further than Borrowed Trouble, sequel to the period noir One Too Many Blows To The Head. You'll want to go the distance with Ray Ward, a tough-luck protagonist who knows how to hit where it counts!"

Kelli Stanley, author of City of Dragons

"Everyone has a short list of books that stayed with them long after they turned the last page—add Borrowed Trouble to mine. Eric Beetner and J.B. Kohl have vividly re-created 1941 Los Angeles, ripping apart the city’s glamorous façade to reveal the cold noir heart beneath. With sharp writing, head-spinning twists, and pair of protagonists haunted by memory and loss, this is pulp fiction at its finest."

Hilary Davidson, author of The Damage Done

“Borrowed Trouble grabs you by the lapels from the first page and drags you out of the murky corners of Kansas City’s underbelly and into a glittering Hollywood where the bright lights cast sordid and sinister shadows.”

Paul D. Brazill, crimewriter, The Mammoth Book of Best British Crime

“A seamless collaboration, rich with explosive dialogue and scenes so vivid, Kohl and Beetner takes the reader on a compelling journey. Rich with prose that packs a powerful punch, Borrowed Trouble is not to be missed.”

Deborah J Ledford, author of Staccato and Snare

"Borrowed Trouble is a relentlessly tough and lean novel, packed full with memorable characters. They don’t write them like this anymore. Jump onboard now."

Nick Quantrill, author of Broken Dreams

Praise for One Too Many Blows To The Head

"One Too Many Blows to the Head feels like a long-lost pulp you find in a favorite bookstore. A delicious mix of classic hardboiled grit and the heart-heavy world of film noir, it's a one-sitting read that sends you back to a lost time of fight halls, Chicago boys and last chances."

Megan Abbott, author of Bury Me Deep and Queenpin

"A powerful tale of vengeance, rife with pounding action and colorful, complex characters. One Too Many Blows To The Head is a first round knock-out!"

Stephen Jay Schwartz, LA Times bestselling author of Boulevard

"The writing is crisp, the characters finely drawn. Ray's motivation to avenge his brother's death, murder really, may seem to be simple, but in actuality is deeply complex. One Too Many Blows To the Head is quite remarkable in how it takes a relatively simple story and develops an intricate, compelling tale of two men on a mission to identify who killed Rex Ward . . . but also on a search for their own.”

Mysterious Reviews (FOUR STARS)

"Here's one that dredges up all the blood and spit and sweat and money of the fight game, and wraps it around a tough noir storyline full of revenge and dark secrets. Kohl and Beetner get it exactly right."

Steve Brewer, author of Cutthroat

"Razor sharp debut from noir partnership Beetner and Kohl. From its first savage punch, the dark world of organised crime and boxing grips and refuses to let you go. Highly recommended."

Nick Quantrill, author of Broken Dreams

"The prose is hardboiled and lean, and there's plenty of violence. There's a surprise or two along the way, and you'll want to know what happens to Fokoli and Ray. They're deeply flawed, but Beetner and Kohl keep them human, which is quite an accomplishment when you consider the circumstances."

Bill Crider, author of the Sheriff Dan Rhodes series

"Like a good bout in the ring, it is relentless, full of tension, and it never lets up."

Cormac Brown

"It is pure pleasure . The expression ‘a page turner’ is pretty much overused used but One Too Many Blows To The Head is just that. It flows beautifully and is full of great lines that I really wish I’d written. One Too Many Blows To The Head is knockout, of course"

Paul D. Brazill, The Mammoth Book of Best British Crime

"One Too Many Blows to the Head is a novel set in the fight world of Kansas City 1939 and it's everything you love about classic film noir only bound and printed."

Hardboiled Wonderland

“If you like your books quick and brutal, you’ll dig this one.”

Do Some Damage blog

“The co-authors turned out a pulp tale that is the love-child of Dave Zeltserman’s out-of-prison trilogy mated with Richard Stark's The Hunter.”

The Drowning Machine blog

Pages

Monday, July 9, 2012

The World's Shortest Zombie Story

2 comments: